The first time I heard this statement was while I attended Tony Robbins’ Unleash the Power Within event back in 2019, before the world got crazy with the lockdowns and all.

I was perplexed and felt resistance.

I used to believe that you could have it all; you just had to work your ass off to make it happen and make many sacrifices.

I felt conflicted, but with an open mind, I listened. Tony went on to say that though it was possible to have it all, it was not necessarily possible to have it all at the same time and that we shouldn’t strive to have it all at the same time anyway.

He explained that life is about challenges, growth, not having a perfect life free of problems.

Tony gave an example of how successful women who became mothers, because of the nature of growing life and giving birth, either stepped away from their career or it just wasn’t as successful as it used to be once they’d become mothers. If their health was excellent, there was a chance that their health was not the best after childbirth either. And that was okay. Other areas in their lives flourished; love, financial abundance, and spirituality, for example.

He was talking to me, at least it’s what I thought. Instead of trying to have it all figured out, it was best to consciously choose what to focus on, knowing other areas may take a back seat for a bit.

After having my daughter, I thought that I would be able to pick up right where I’d left off. However, I was so wrong. I struggled so much trying to fit into my old life and old way of being, especially clothes. I was experiencing an identity crisis. Life as I knew it was dead; I was grieving and felt utterly lost.

I set a bar so high, I felt like a big fat failure for not being able to do all I used to do and handle this new motherhood thing, and the areas I wanted so bad to be “fixed,” like my health, got worse.

I was not alone in my experience.

I explored where this identity came from and discovered much about myself, my maternal lineage, and women’s history in a patriarchal world.

Motherhood has allowed me to shed so many layers of an identity that was not mine, to begin with, and essentially reconnect with my true essence.

Life looks so different now; I am more me. There is more singing and dancing more. I am more present than I’ve ever been. Sitting on the grass to soak in the sun, letting my inner child play more is more consistent. I paint more. Things that I used to do as a child and brought me joy yet weren’t valued in a world where the goal was to be “successful” in the way defined by a patriarchal world resurfaced.

As the old self naturally re-emerges from time to time, I take a deep breath, feel the sensations run through my body, and watch like an observer how it tries to pull me back in.

Then I remind myself that life is not a checklist.

Life is about the journey.

Our worth does not depend on what we achieve or what we create.

We get to manifest life on our terms, not based on someone else’s version of what success looks like.

We all have different values and views on how we should live our lives; no one’s version of life is above anyone else’s.

Even if we have challenges in one area of our lives, we will find other places where things are going great.

It is possible to live the life of your dreams, even with having challenges or feeling like a mess in other areas.

Everything is unfolding for us as it should.

Where we are this very moment is precisely where we are meant to be.

If we aren’t happy with where we are currently, we can start shifting the experience by simply asking what it is we’re meant to be learning right now, and be with whatever is.

Surrendering is key to transformation.

And also, it is easier said than done.

Some days my ego feels like it’s dying, and the inner conflict is exhausting.

Other days, I take notice and move quickly through whatever is, allowing me to expand into more of what my heart truly wants.

I will forever be grateful for the message I received over two years ago and the instant relief.

I felt as if he was giving me permission to be and drop the heavy burden of trying so hard to live away based on someone else’s terms, a way that my soul didn’t align with.

Imagine if we all lived from our true essence…imagine.

With love and gratitude,

-Dayan xo